So Friday is here... this week has literally just disappeared in front of me.

I have a very well rested and much needed 3 weeks off from university.

1st week - Paris (Indigo - premier vision)

2nd week - Essay writing and preparing all my work for assessment

3rd week - Still writing my essay as i am dyslexic, feedback tutorials and starting my research for my new project 'SHAPESHIFT'

After indigo i was really lacking confidence in my work but more so what i actually wanted to do within my specialism and what possibilities it could lead me into as a career path. I had so many initial problems when i first started the 'Muse' project which really brought my enthusiasm and excitement in weave really down. I wasn't sure if i could really see myself putting all this energy & time into something which was always going cause so many problems to start out with. It not only had an affect on my mood, but affected how i felt when i left uni which was starting to affect my personal life because i was constantly stressed and freaking out, which had an adverse affect on the people around me. After my tutorial this week it restored a lot of confidence and my passion back into what i love and why i do it. So i am going to start this project with a level head, take each day as it comes but more importantly be patient, take breaks and approach everything calmly. I know it sounds stupid but weave is so intense, you need so much concentration the whole time for setting up, putting in peg plans, doing your threading plan, figuring out your lifting plan, working out your warping mill. There are so many different factors which a lot of people don't understand, which is something you never will until you actually experience it for yourself.

I think on the outside i like to come off as a very confident person who can push through anything, but the things which mean a lot to me & i want to progress in can easily crumble me from the inside out. I tend to just keep everything inside because i feel its easier to deal with things by myself, and sometimes i don't like what other people have to say so i just don't ask, maybe that is what i need to know, so i can learn from those mistakes and progress further.

I also feel the pressure to do well, the anxiety of where i will be in 5 years time always catches up with me. I can't sleep, i panic i feel like i always surround myself in the deep end drowning when i should just float in the middle for a while until the heat is really turned up. I need to enjoy my youth and explore more things before the future starts getting really serious.